I’m powerless in the grip of an old friend
a toothless jagged junkie
come to boil broken flakes of me over a sad flame
I envy those in coma, the ones allowed to dream
it’s seventh grade all over again
and its painful and apparent
that one step up is two steps back
I wake to the sound of violent vomiting
I wake to the smell of burning amphetamines
I wake to an empty head, & sometimes un-empty bed
I scream and sing and drink myself into a corner
I mumble and bungle and smoke myself into bed
and my friend is always with me
always holding my head
craning my neck
twisting my arms

clearing the stairs for my decent
thumpity thumpity thump thump thump

power hungry black-hole
powder blue unattainable sky
quick like lightening
sweet like ignorance
desperate like a doorknob
singing in the gallows